Dumb girl.
If you think writing in a blog doesn't get the Trs seeing what u write. Think twice. Dumb girl.
Win liao la even spell actual names. Didn't experience taught u to use pseusodynms or nicknames. .? (if your english isn't that good) How unaware u are. Oh no wonder I'm the T and u're the S. See.. S=ASS? Get it? Dumb.

Ohh wow, suddenly u inspired me to blog again. I'm very inconsistent in blogging. Can be a few mths den i blog. Wow! Should I thank you for the inspiration or anger in me or what..??

Shootz. Feeling emo. Oh well. Just wanna look forward to seeing his face and hearing the voice again. Reassures me always and that smile. A melt-in-my heart kinda smile.
Wth Ninie. U're not supposed to be liking him but den more n more each day, u find urself drawn towards him.. wATz tis?! lol

Hmm been so long again since I blogged. WEll I guess tonite would suddenly seemed like the perfect nite to type something here. MAny random thoughts filled my mind these past few months..

Life's been soo much better ever since the brkup. No more living in denial.. It's been 9 monthsplus I've healed and moved on. Great! I guess everything did happen for a reason.. Well I realised that as the time passes.. that I was missing out on soo many good stuff.. Imagine what if I had settled down.. I guess it wasn't really the right time for me and it was in a way or so, a bad situation to show me that I was missing out on the good things in life.. There was just soo many stuff to me do, achieve, soo many new peeps to meet and greet in life..

Ohh trust me, singlehood has been better than this.. 3 yrs outta the dating field.. and now back in again.. I feel soo WOW!.. Been missing on the hot guys alot.. hahaaha... Well, now single and swinging life has never been this great.. The guys I meet .. great.. but of course Im picky so only the worthwhile stays on my list hahaha..

Hmm.. wassup with me suddenly getting interested no longer in the local dating scene..??
Well apparently I didnt see this coming 6 mths back.. like hello to a foreigner "wai guo ren" and POOF! outta now where, came along a super cute Swiss guy.. hahaha
Well, I guess for now.. we are both hooked to each other... all those late nite online video chatting is definitely contagious! LOL
Hmm.. would something else happen.. have to see in mths to come.. or should I sayy next year.. LOL..I would wanna meet him in person.. I'm sure he looks soo much better! U betcha..
I mean seriously where was he the past few years!!?? He's really soo my type.. and ahakz.. the way we connect ohh just amazing.. just that he's of different nationality and religion.. but well if love were to happen, I'm sure it would be strong enuf to counter-act all that "barriers and obstacles" right???

Hmm.. never did I expect there would be a white guy soo similar to my personality.. NEVER!!
But WOW.. I'm truly amazed.. at the chemistry online... In reality.?? Hmm.. for the future to be said. WEll i believe we met for a reason, but what's the reason I've yet to knoe.. Ohh dannggg.. fate is always teasing us.. hahaha..

That's all for now I guess.. had a truly great time with my galfrenz just now.. And to start blogging again.. I guess I'm fully healed and moved on~ Thank goodness.. Oh I just love life now..!

tired from doing so much. watz e' point..

i really take my hat off tat person.. so clever and smart of her to manipulate with the entitlement and benefit of getting some time off from work for some personal (i'm sure unimportant) matters of hers.

supposedly 4 hrs.. tup tup.. it became 6hrs.. and she could take 2 hrs extra but claimed as 4hrs only instead 6.. wat a smart chick!

im pissed at the fact such a person exists to live well in this world.. OHH WHYYY somtimes there is not karma onto such hypocrites and bad eggs but on sum other poor soul..?
i've seen innocent ppl get worst off in their lives e.g. like the poor becomes poorer and the rich becomes more cunning as they get richer.. why like tat.. why is life so unfair..? those ppl who have suffered - isnt it enuf for them? and the rich.. nt rich enuf ke?

im feeling moody whole day.. coz tat incumbent is going away for about 1 and a half weeks ..and check this out : I HAVE TO "COVER" her work.. in the first place, we're not even of the same rank and scheme.. im just a wat.. she's a wat.. wat rite do i have to carry out her duties.. hah.. im nt in the position seyyy.. salary pun bukannye same.. wth.. they shd seriously pecat her contract and take in a new M..O one tat can work nt like tat fella.. pandai enjoy la she's the "perfect epitome" of a C-S who has very little work to do and shows others out there how the C-S prefer employees of her type.. oh ya rite, isnt it contradictory to wateva the C-S core values and ethical code of conduct..

here i am again.. blogging.. maybe nw i can blog more often ya.. depends on my mood..

been hectic.. been busy with so many commitments.. wat kind of commitments? nahh.. im nt telling.. it's personal.. sorrie!

i've learnt many new things and values in life as i grow older.. things values which even sumtimes my own parents can't/ didn't teach me.. these things one learnt through experiences in life.. through the ups and downs of life.. some ppl have so much downs in their life, they give up eventually .. some don't - they picked themselves up many times and each time they gained strength.. im the latter.. i believe one shd nvr give up no matter hw hard the trying is..

hmm.. i'll like to add smth to tat : oh ya, thanks to a human who has nth better to do but to blog abt me...?? well, my name was in her blog so i guess i have to thank her rite?? for wat? for making me an "overnight star".. thanks ya for giving me an opportunity to have like a few seconds of fame and notoriety..

hah.. now im famous i guess wif multipliers.. famous for the wrg reasons ya.. oh who cares.. my conscience is clear.. if i wanna officially and frankly say : there are few multipliers too whom I don like.. but am i gonna say their names like they did..??? forget it watz the use.. all tat bitching can only make one insane.. really insane i tell u.. hahaa..

to these ppl: thanks for making others' lives miserable but if u think it's working, nahh it isnt..
coz ppl like me rather NOT fall for the "traps set".. haha happy strategizing ya..
the more u try to make me fall, the more i'll persevere on to show u tat im not dumb and stupid like u to fall for such tricks.. the more i'll show tat i AM happy.. ohh do i hear paper tearing..?? does me being happy make u unhappy?? hah..

Private Affairs
Hate to say this.. all along I have been keeping rather quiet about things tat happen to me in my life along the way.. private stuff i mean.. and i really mean private affairs.. i'm not the sort to babble and "wash dirty linen in public" (like some ppl do abt their family probs la relative's probs la.. frens probs la.. sume hal2 yg tak ade kene mengene wif them sorry eh kalo terrase but im speaking on a general note here) i really hate such ppl.. dun go ard pretending and relating all ur sorrows to unknown strangers..

Private Affairs 2
Unknown strangers in this sense are strangers who know nuts abt the actual event or incidences which happened to "their so-called friends" no head no tail.. yet pandai2 je eh nak kasi comment la, kasi advice la.. the ppl who lament their "sob stories" to such strangers - i 've got no respect for them.. nak cari and mintak simpati ke pe?? ohh i rem this question/phrase very well.. FOR ME PERSONALLY, i dun care..i mean.. why shd i in the first place mintak others' kasihan/pity abt wat?? the probs in my life.. ? ya rite give me a million bucks and i tell u why...duh~ i dun owe others a living seyy.. the only ppl i genuinely care for in this world are my loved ones.. and i mean my parents who brought me up painstakingly..
Such ppl who suka lament2 byk2 ehhh, best thing to do : get a life lah and get urself admitted into IMH (institute of mental health).. and ppl who like to pity such bloggers yg lament2 abt nth but sadness in life - get a,life oso, u soo free eh?

Malaysia's Messy Political Situation = Rojak?
i like to comment on another case of stupidity and manipulation i think in my opinion.. a case which has gone so overboard too far-fetched i guess.. ? nwae, blogging is freedom of speech as long there are boundaries rite.. > in the recent case of Anuar and that boy Saiful (I think he just lurve the fame ya).. come on laa guys, mature up.. nak sumpah kat Qu'ran.. ye btul.. sumpah tak boleh main2 tau.. ade balaknye nanti.. but these ppl treat the Qu'ran like a "piece of toy" gitu.. senang je nak angkat sumpah depan the holy book.. it doesn't seem like a holy book anymore from my point of observation of the whole scenario.. malaysia's political situation : what has become of it? one man trying to swallow the other man.. ha..

Have not been blogging though I seriously told myself to do so.
Been super busy that is.
Meet-the-people sessions with the MP. Volunteer work. RC meetings. Grassroots leaders conferences. UniSIM's conferences with the Minister for Transport. wat else.. there's just so many events and activities on my agenda.

Am I breaking down? yes. I nearly did. But I'm hanging on until now.
The pillar of strength in my life, the one whom I really depend on when I have my ups and downs. The one whom I seek comfort with when I have sorrowful and moody days.
The one whom I thought of as my life, my hope, my guardian angel has sort of left me hanging by a thin piece of thread. Imagine a "cliff-hanger". yes. That's what I am feeling now.
Upset. Lonely. Uncertain. Suddenly I feel so lost without him by my side.
Have I been too hard and harsh on him?
It's been 3 days since we last contacted.
IF this is the way things are meant to be or worst still - to end. I'm not willing to accept the fact.
But fate indeed plays a cruel part in turning dreams into reality ya.
Must I go through the heartache again..?
Must history repeats itself again..?

I hate to say this but love hurts.
I'm a cynic right now. Blinded by angst and fury. Fueled by the things happening around me.
Blinded by what today's society is showing to me.
Angst? Pain? Fury? Mention all and I'll show the meanings of these words for I am right now, sinking deeper into misery and the holes of darkness.
I can only see blackness ahead of me.
I need that strong pair of hands, the same pair of hands to pull me out of the deepest dungeon that I've fallen into.

moi big fat foot all bandaged up.. oucH!

ooh ive nt been blogging regularly.. wat to do.. blame tat on my hectic schedule.. poor tyme mgmt.. hehe oh well.. lotsa stuff had happened to me lately.. undergone an op on my foot.. which sux coz i couldnt move much during the first 2 weeks! i juz kept bumpin into stuff.. on a wheelchair, i do feel clumsy and helpless at tymes... everythg seemed frustrating to me when i couldnt get it done on my own like bathing, pickin up stuff tat fell outta my grasp.. luckily fer me, support came in the form of my family and my guy.. And b4 i forget.. B4 tis dae ends, I would lyke to once again wish my baby boy a wonderfully Happy Birthday dear..ur sacrifices seemed worthwhile and I promise to be there for u as well alwaz. Hope u lyke the gift that i got u.. May wateva wishes come true for u dear..

13th January 2006

A dae which i will neva eva forget..
A dae that my heart sort of shattered..
The dae my beloved granny passed on..
The dae that i arrive too late a few minutes after she went away..
I neva had the final chance to sae eva bid gudbye to her nor wil she eva of
the wrds "I luv u ah ma" that i whispered into her ears that nyte..
The feelings are undescribable..
I truly treasure the tymes i spent wif my dearez granny..
I miz her so much.. the laughter.. the twinkle in her eyes, the wae she behave at tymes is juz soo childlike.. that i adore n dote on her..
Though ive stopped shedding anymore tears fer her since the wake & funeral.. my heart mind & soul will alwaz have a piece of her sumhw..

Werk has been relli tiring me out.. tat my health's been sufferin.. ehehe.. got tummy cramps n gastric pains frequently.. baru je yestd i vomitted a few tymes n i felt lyke wanna faint suddenly.. luckily my dear hubby cancel his ot last min n brought me to see the doc @ 12am.. jus imagine tat.. aww.. i feel so lurved.. he's sucha a gud hubby whu takes care of me his darlin baby gal relli well.. sumtymes i feel kinda bad after we quarrel, n i showd my temper n vent my frustrations on him..neva once he raised his voice at all at me.. am i bein too demandin n taking him fer granted..?? the more each dae i thk of him.. the more im soo in lurve wif him.. i hope nth comes betwn us.. realli afraid of losing him one dae..realli afraid tat the spark tat was once in the rship mite juz fade away.. juz lyke i c most in my fren's rships.. i truly lurve tis guy dun ask me y.. he's e' 1st guy unlyke the other guys .. whu made me truly lurved n special bein by his side.. he's e' 1st guy whu made me laff, cried.. broke my heart once.. mend it twice.. e' 1st to meet my parents.. 1st guy whu found out abt my strengths n weaknesses.. evrythg abt his sayang he noez.. i shd make an effort den to noe my hubby betta..

aww so swit rite. ?

....missing u as each dae passes...

wish u were by my side.
miss ur smile, ur frown, ur jokes, ur blurness...


ur touch.ur kiss.ur hug.
juz everythg abt u makes me blush.
thinkin of u moi dearie dae & nite.

but oni u don noe ..
of the heartache i felt....
each tyme we mizunderstood one another. we often did~

How I MET MY OTHER HALF

my gawd.. ive nt been bloggin fer a loonnngg tyme.. haha been rather bz fer the past yr lately.. esp wit my new job transfer.. im a HICS 2 (also known as Staff Sgt back in the SPF) in the ICA dept.. hehe.. my job .. easy peasy.. DUTY OFFICER job OR chckin of all sorts of vehicles lookin out fer contrabands and profiling/investigating suspected illegal workers.. kewl. n yea i oso hav a warrant 2 do tat. tis yr is a tuff yr mayb.. wat a a heavy responsibility.. well.. wat to do.. its my job..
haha.. oh well life's been pretty good i wd hav to admit.. got a good job, get a good pay.. wat else.. family's been gud too alhamdullilah~ n yea got attached yep in 2005. his name is juff. 22yrs. met him sumwher bwten ard Oct - Nov 05
standing @ 1.8m (hah.. im short!). n he's quite a cute guy i thk..hahaha
nasib baik we stay ard the west area.. tak jauh kalo nak jumpa.. hehe
well i met my dearie in an unusual situation i wd thk.. we wd alwaz c each other at the same point @ wrk.. but i duno y often he wd just look at me wit disgust i wd sae.. i mean ttz wat i see frm his look. while the other guys wd all tok to me.. tryin to get to noe me.. but of coz i wasnt interstd.. i had my interst in tat guy whu sort of "alienated" me frm him.. watz up wit him at 1st i tot so.. he's soo cold. later on i found out frm my galpal he wanted to get to noe me! but he was too shy.. coz he thks tt i was most probly attached to sumone else.. wat a letdown hehe..
gosh.. i was sOO hapy.. huh.. cant believe it sia.. he got my no. we started smsin & callin each other b4 we decided to start hanging out more often wit each other.. or shd i sae datin? oh well.. dere were no sparks firewrks wateva.. ttz.. nth but i felt good being wit him.. cosy!
hahaha.. fussy me. im happy now.. bery much.. though juff's alwaz gettin on my nerves.. lately esp. hehe.. wateva it is i still lurve him to bits.. & he alwaz reassures me tt he oni lurves me & his dearez mommy n no other gals.. hehe. though our work shift schedules alwaz clash he's in team charlie whereas im in delta.. so we oni get to mt on nite shifts.. otherwise i juz hope nth else gets in our wae.. haha coz he suits most of my criteria for a bf..well at least ttz wat i see.. when im sick he's alwaz lookin aftr me.. hehe.. makin sure i go doc, eat my med.. n get well fast. whn anythg hapens to me, he gets worried.. hehe.. guess its a torture fer him to be wif me.. but its a blessing fer me instead.. hahaha.. all i hav to sae is : im in lurve.

woah!!! soo many months nv blog oredi.. haiz.. been buzy wit work.. n yea i finally finishd my studies.. got a full cert!! hahaaha.. next step.. find a job (though im workin currently lahz) but nt any kinda jobs.. in career wit the police force would be nice.. haha yea.. yum yumm.. waitin for the chance to don that smart uniform.. oh boy.. goody goody.. n yea, over these months.. ive become more crappy, more cranky..more cheeky.. n more wat huh??.. erm.. oh well..juz soo hyped up.. enjoying moi eva single life ouch! hahaha. to aliah whu post A qnS to me: sorie didnt tag ya back.. me wrkin at JurongPort Pte Ltd.. a shipyard.. cool getta see all those vessels n containers comin in.. but shucks.. no cute guys around... haiz! hahaha

well..well..well.. itz been dayz.. haha since like mths tat i log into blogger & type sum stuff.. been pretty bz muggin 4 da As.. final lap..MUZ gET 3As 2AOs! wat else.. hehe.. yea while fastin.. havin 2 wake up at 4am 2 eat.. wait, b4 tat i normally slp at 3am.. tat's like oni an hr of slp?? no wunder i hav been gettin eyebags.. so tired.. oh well.. nwae.. feel like changin da stupid blog layout of mine for smth cooler.. but like no time.. pretty tedious for an internet junkie yet "idiot" like me.. oh guess i'll try see wat comes out of it.. for u guys whu frequently see my blog.. do gif comments ya.. hehe.. if i change my layout tat is.. tis is 2 all my malay-muslim peepz - "selamat berpuasa"!

" let's tok tis over.. itz nt like we're dead.. was it smth i did..or was it smth u said?.. ur frens, dey duno me.. but dey act dey do.. held up so high, n i'm an unbreakable threat.." hehe.. feelin soo super darn sleepy.. tired oso.. like tat 2 look nice on fridae.. when ive been missin out on my beauty slp.. damn! wateva.. feelin angsty as well.. nt those rock punk chick sorta though.. guess wat i took da plunge n was game enuff 2 cut my long hair short & abit spunky.. but nw prob is i dun0 how 2 style my hair.. hiakz..hiakz.. oh whu cares.. itz nt even prom! & every1's soo hyped abt it.. come on.. tt sux la.. gtg nw.. got econs lesson.. muZ g0! hehe.. signin off~ peace~!

oh well.. prelims over.. yea.. but im soo disappointed wit my results.. put in much effort but i still flopped.. n watz worst i flopped gp for da 1st time! its a major exam somemore sey! hw come can do soo badly.. sheesh.. niwae.. i oni manage a mere 1 A 2 AOs.. need another A lev pass.. tt makes it 2 As n to pass GP.. so tt makes it 3 AOs.. yepz.. can go into PA oredi.. haha.. direct sergeant entry .. which needs gd A levs passes wit 2 As 2 AOs.. hehe.. feelin edgy abit tis week.. lookin 4ward 2 da graduation dae.. tis comin fridae.. ooh.. still haven get everythg yet 4 my get-up.. but gonna cut my hair 2dae i guess at Jantzen or Jean Yip..probly.. which is betta? hmm.. i normaly go Kimage.. haiyah.. leceh siakz! hehe.. oh well.. goin for smth short n spunky.. da weather's oso pretty hot! whew.. signin off~

todae is da dae i set free ... from all da past sleepless nitez i have had so far.. tis will be da dae i take my last paper for prelims.. though it is nt da end of everythg but a mere beginning to an unthinkable "journey".. would it be easy after everythg has truly pass me by? not sure.. da ans is i will have to wait & see.. as for results wise.. i'm just countin my numbered days.. 2 weeks from nw i will have my mock exams thereafter it will den be da real thingy! scary but damn true.. face up da facts.. it will oni be ard 1 mth's time.. gonna push myself really hard, get da cert i wan & get da hell outta sch.. hehe.. prelims i dun thk i did so well.. in fact a few hiccups here n there which i'm gonna avoid repeatin back durin da As.. juz hope i get 2 A lev passes for both mgmt & hist (which is da ppr i'll be takin in an hr's time 2dae) ... n of coz an AO pass in GP .. at least a C5 (which is wat ive been gettin..damn).. or a B4.. hehe.. gud enuff.. econs i dun thk i got hope.. i screweed up my essay segment.. howz MCQ & DRQ & Case Study gonna help me?? not much i guess... hehehe.. signin off~

2dae i feel soo super shitty wit myself.. damn disappointed wit me myself n i.. y? coz i put in alot of efforts into studyin soo much.. damn! i knew da answers to da paper juz nw.. btw it was mgmt of biz paper 2 tt i sat for .. but whYYYY must da elbow cramp come on suddenly when i semangat wanna write alot.. ok, i admit time mgmt wasnt dere as well.. see lahz.. when i noe da answers.. cant complete da paper on time.. left out an 8 mks & 3 mks qns.. howz tat.. surely teruk case of marks i'll get.. haikz.. nvm.. i'll geared up for paper 1 man.. nv felt soo tensed up ..nt even like O levels time. tis is worst!.. couldnt sleep da whole nite yestd.. hehe.. oh well.. wat can i sae.. damn!

hmm.. 125 peepz hav seen my blog.. i wunder whu sey.. hey u guys whueva whu sees my blog yah.. yea u?! at least write a comment or smth so at least i noe uve been to tis blog of mine.. wateva la.. u all dun wan, cant force u 2 withdraw ur anonymity rite.. hehehe.. niwae.. been rather long since i put in an entry.. let'z see huh.. cant wait for my graduation ceremony actually, coz after tt can stay hm study... dun need to come 2 sch.. but i thk i'll still come anyway.. contradictory rite.. hahaha.. feelin outta sorts lately.. hmm.. disillusioned by all da stupid crap r'ships thingy my frens are goin thru.. haiz.. seems like guys r still jerks after all.. y nt all gals start turnin les?.. muahahaha.. watz da use of gettin together den brkin da other party's or each other's hearts.. sey! ttz wat u call love?? fark la! people!! wherz da lurve sey??!.. wat happen 2 all those 1st time u met u like each other..impressions sort? all gone i guess.. haha, blame it on "losing tt lurvin feelin towards ur partner" heh.. oh but can start lurvin another at da same time.. woaH.. how wunderful eh..n0w is i dun lurve, i dun hate but im juz closin doors on any potentials.. y? coz i dun wanna go down da same path as my frens did.. suffer for wat .. yea it gets to u if ure single .. so wat?! im single, livin life as it is, im lurvin it & ttz wat i wanna be, how i wan it to be.. yeah!..

haikz.. trying to be like wat my fren wanted me 2 try out.. writing without inspiration (to me tt is..).. writing when u dun feel like writing... i've been rather down lately.. wat 2 do.. body achin & definitely down in da dumps.. but mind & soul feelin even worst still.. mind occupied wit plenty of stuff 2 do for da weekend .. tt includes revision & hmwrk.. soul too occupied wit lamentin at da state i'm currently in rite nw.. soo tired.. wish i could rest, fall asleep & nv to wake up again.. oni 19 but soo tired out by things i do in life.. issit? i duno.. wat crap am i tokin? i'm nt sure myself.. eugh.. y muz tt sum1 lost da hp.. farnie.. oh well. heck.. to me, fate's playin a game wit destiny & we're da "pawns" in tis game.. wateva it is.. i'll see how.. ttz all for now i guess.. & to Moiz.. hehe dun sae i nv update moi blog my fren.. howz tis for a person like me whu has no "jiwang-ness" in her at da moment???.. juz writing wateva tots tt comes into my mind at da instance..hehe.. well.. i'm off~